• My son didn't know what college he wanted to go to or what to major in.
• Instead of taking a gap year to figure it out, he enrolled in college anyway.
• He regrets that decision, but at least, he enrolled in a community college to save money.

My son is in grad school and loving what he's studying. But it wasn't an easy road to get here.

He was unsure about undergrad at first, chose a random major, and regretted it come graduation day. Looking back, he wonders if he should've taken a gap year between high school and college to figure out what he really wanted.

We've recently both reflected on his undergraduate years. It's clear he made some mistakes, but he found his way and is on the right path now.

My son felt rushed into a college decision

In hindsight, my son wasn't ready for college and didn't know what he wanted to do.

He was coming off four insanely busy and stressful years of high school. He simply didn't have the time to process or even consider his future.

I wish we'd discussed a gap year or delaying college, which would have given him time to figure out the right move for him, instead of following what was expected.

He agrees. He told me he often wishes he hadn't gone into college so quickly.

We should've had more honest conversations about his major

During May of his senior year, my son struggled. It was time to graduate and figure out what's next.

For most careers, college isn't the place where you learn about what the day-to-day is like, how to get an entry-level role, and what you'll earn.

It wasn't until he was job searching in those last few months of school that my son really learned about entry-level opportunities in his field.

The actual day-to-day work wasn't what he had been learning about in school, and the pay was quite low.

He knew that if he wanted to continue pursuing this career path, he'd need a master's degree, probably a doctorate. He figured he'd need five more years and $60,000 of schooling for something he really wasn't sure he wanted to do.

He shared that he was quickly learning the whole philosophy he had been told in high school and college was wrong: "You can't go to college for four years and get a decent job. For most professions, it's just not true," he told me.

I wish he had become involved in an activity earlier

Beyond the choices he made early on in his college career, he also made some mistakes during his first couple of years on campus.

He was a coed cheerleader in high school but didn't want that level of commitment anymore. He was simply too burned out from high school cheer to participate on his college campus. This was another incident where a gap year could've helped.

We both wish he had done an activity in those first years, but he eventually joined cheerleading as a junior. He made new friends and had memorable experiences cheering at games and nationals.

Luckily, my son went to community college first to save money

We live in Illinois, and state schools are expensive here. For the 2023-2024 school year, Illinois in-state tuition averaged $18,155.

Therefore, he made a great decision: He enrolled in an excellent community college, which was a more affordable way to explore majors and adapt to having more independence. He saved thousands by exploring what he wanted to study at a cheaper school.

He then attended the UWM in his sophomore year. He lived on campus, and the cost was about $18,000 a year.

Although it was a bumpy road, my son finally found his passion a few years after graduation when he started therapy.

Now he's studying to be a licensed professional counselor and recommends knowing what you want to do before college. He says work in the field, have personal experiences, and talk to people on the job. Enroll when you have figured out what you have a true passion for.

• We don't throw big birthday parties for our kids until they are old enough to appreciate it.
• Earlier parties are simple family affairs, as young kids probably won't remember them anyway.
• At 5, most kids are ready for a drop-off party, so I can focus my energy on the kids having fun.

My daughter clearly remembers her fifth birthday party. Granted, it was only a year ago, but considering she forgets almost everything I tell her, the fact that she recalls it at all feels like a win.

We held the event in my parents' backyard. I ordered food, hired a company to give the girls manicures and hair treatments, bought a cake I was sure she'd love, picked out matching dresses for her and her sister, and spent time curating goody bags that wouldn't get tossed the moment the kids got home.

In other words: throwing a fifth birthday party — a memorable one, at least — is a lot of work. Especially when you compare it to the minimal effort needed for a first or second birthday event in our family. That's because, our kids don't get big parties with all the bells and whistles until they turn 5, and that's by design.

We didn't bother with toddler parties for a reason

For a toddler, you can order some food for the adults, hire a company to play music for the babies, toss a ball pit into a quiet corner and call it a day. But I refused to do that, even when my daughter started begging for a party at age 3.

As I told her, and will eventually tell her three younger siblings, your real birthday party will come at age 5, even if it requires more effort to make it special since it involves entertaining older kids. Why do I refuse to throw a party for my kids before then? Because they won't remember it as clearly, or at all, when they're young.

The kids won't remember early celebrations anyway

To be clear: our kids haven't been denied celebrations before the age of 5, they have just been smaller, simpler affairs kept within the family.

They always get to choose whatever sort of birthday cake they want and are the center of attention during big family dinners that involve singing the happy birthday song in many different languages as the cake is served to all of their cousins.

We also celebrate their birthdays at school, within the guidelines set by their teachers. Only mommy attends the brief 10-minute event, which includes handing out cupcakes to the whole class, and a bit of dancing.

Things change when kids turn 5

At least in my social circles, age 5 — right around when kids start pre-K where we live — is when kids can handle being on their own with friends under the supervision of adults who aren't their parents, teachers, or family members. That's when drop-off parties, where guests are dropped off and get pick up when the party is over, become the norm.

There are many upsides to these kinds of events, starting with the parents themselves. I'm doing everyone a favor by not asking them to sit through the heat, loud music or the inevitable chorus of, "More candy! More cake! I want to go on the jumpy castle!" Instead, I'm giving them two blissful, guilt-free hours to themselves, knowing their child is having a great time.

And from a practical standpoint, I don't have to worry about feeding or entertaining the grown-ups, because they're not there.

Science is on my side

I did some research to really get to the bottom of the whole matter and assuage the sporadic pangs of guilt I felt when my daughter asked me for a birthday party before the age of 5 and, as I thought would be the case, it turns out that these sorts of drop-off celebrations may benefit the attendees' social development.

According to a study on the power of play, unstructured peer interactions — those that occur without direct parental involvement, which is exactly what a drop-off birthday party is about — play a critical role in developing cooperation, communication and conflict resolution skills in early childhood. See? Even science proves our theory right.

Now our other kids know what to expect for their own parties. As my first daughter's fifth birthday fades into memory — a clear one — I've started talking to my second daughter about hers. It's not happening for another year, when she turns five. But planning is half the fun, and she's already started.

• I grew up seeing my mom and grandmother rummage for sales and treasures.
• My kids are teens now, and they know to look for what we call "roadside treasures."
• Picking up things from the side of the road saves my family money.

I was conducting an interview over Zoom recently when my teenage daughter called me twice in a row. Worried that something was wrong, I texted her, "In a meeting, emergency?" to which she replied, "No, just a good table on the side of the road." This cracked me up and is so on brand for my family.

I grew up with a mother and a grandmother who would scour church rummage sales for antiques and other treasures. My mom even recruited me to help out at her church's rummage sale a few times, as volunteers were able to shop the sale before the public (and therefore, snag the best items).

Now that my kids are teenagers, they're always on the lookout for "roadside treasures," especially after estate sales, when framed art, plant stands, and garden tools are discarded. We're happy to load these into the minivan and use them in our home.

Roadside discards saved me money when my kids were little

When my three kids were toddlers, I outfitted our backyard with kid-sized slides, a picnic table, and a teeter-totter that was supposed to look like a whale — all rescued from the side of the road.

With three kids in day care at the same time, I was always looking for ways to save money and avoid making large purchases, especially of items that would only be used for a short period. I felt good about not buying new giant plastic toys, only to toss them a few years later.

One of my best finds was the three Cozy Coupes I found over a series of months of scouring my neighborhood (because you can't get just one when you have three kids close in age). Once all three were secured, we transformed them, à la Pimp My Ride, with paint, decals, custom license plates, and streamers from the Dollar Tree.

The personalized kiddie cars even made the move with us from Illinois to California, as they were my kids' favorites. Eventually, my kids outgrew them, and all three cars were scooped up from our front yard "free" pile to be used by other neighborhood kids.

I find the best items on 'large item' pickup days

We now live in the San Francisco Bay Area, adjacent to some bougie neighborhoods, where I've found backyard furniture, an antique card table, and animal-carrying cages that my kids can use for their 4-H project.

Skateboards and scooters are often discarded, so we've collected quite a few over the years (and then donated them back). I love the idea that these items are just on loan from the universe, to be used by the next kid after mine.

The best are when the neighborhoods near us have free "large item" pickup days. Regular trash pickup only includes the trash bins you have paid for, but on "large item" days, you can put out whatever you like, including furniture, mattresses, e-waste, and building materials.

On these special pickup days, you can find so many things that shouldn't be going to the dump. My middle son needed a new bed frame, and we were able to find one on the side of the road that even came with all the necessary hardware to assemble it, tucked in a Ziplock bag.

Some items, like mattresses and rugs, are off-limits in my mind, but you can find many great things that people no longer use.

Saving money and helping keep things out of the dump

I'm an active member of my neighborhood Buy Nothing group, where we post items we're gifting and even ask for items we need. I recently posted a few wetsuits my kids outgrew, and they were quickly scooped up from my front porch by grateful parents.

When my daughter expressed interest in starting guitar lessons, I was hesitant to purchase a guitar, in case it was a fleeting interest. I posted in the Buy Nothing group and was able to pick up a guitar from a neighbor later that day.

Being open to finding free things instead of purchasing them has saved me a significant amount of money over the years, and it also helps us lead a more sustainable lifestyle. While I could certainly donate items to our local Goodwill, I prefer knowing that someone will actually use these items and they won't be scrapped.

• Megan Meyer has lived with her husband and ex-husband for nearly a year.
• They co-parent under one roof, saving them money and time.
• Meyer, her husband, and her ex plan to live on the same property until her daughter is an adult.

In the summer of 2024, Megan Meyer and her ex-husband, Tyler, were stressed.

It had been an eventful year for the former spouses. They split in September 2023 after three years of marriage and had to figure out how to co-parent their daughter.

A few months after the separation, Meyer reconnected with her high school sweetheart, Michael Flores. Soon, they were expecting a son together.

Meyer, 25, Flores, 26, and Tyler, 25, whose last name was omitted to protect his and Meyer's daughter's privacy, all agreed to settle in South Carolina to raise their children. Meyer, a stay-at-home mom and content creator, has family in the state, and Tyler found work as a police officer. Meanwhile, Flores works in the tree industry.

When they moved to South Carolina, Tyler lived about 30 minutes away from Flores and Meyer, who eventually wed in June 2024. He saw his daughter often, but the financial and emotional realities of the move were weighing on all three parents.

As they adjusted to their new life, Meyer thought of a way to solve their problems: she, her husband, and her ex-husband would live under one roof.

Three isn't a crowd

The financial strain of moving and the cost of living in a new area led Meyer to consider alternative housing situations for her family.

"Every time my ex and I would exchange our daughter, we would just constantly be complaining like, 'Oh, it's so expensive,'" Meyer told Business Insider, pointing to day-to-day costs like gas and rent.

Meyer's son was due at the end of the summer in 2024, and she knew life would only get more expensive when he arrived. Meanwhile, Meyer's daughter was struggling with her parents' separation.

"The transition was really hard on our daughter," she said. "She had just turned 2, and the back and forth was just so hard for her."

As she thought more about their situation — and saw that Flores and Tyler were getting along surprisingly well — Meyer decided to approach Tyler about merging their households.

"I finally was just like, 'What if we all got a place together?'" Meyer said. She was worried that the thought of living with her and her new husband might upset Tyler, but to her surprise, he was thinking the same thing.

"He was like, 'You know what, I wanted to mention something about this last week, but I was scared that you would get mad,'" Meyer told BI.

By July 2024, the three had signed a lease on a three-bedroom, three-bathroom house, which BI was able to review. Nearly a year later, Meyer said living with her ex and her husband has been the best thing for her family.

Living under one roof

Meyer had some initial anxiety about sharing a home with her ex when they first moved back in together.

"I was 8 months pregnant at the time, so I was like, 'Am I going to be emotionally stable enough for this?'" she told BI. "But it actually ended up being so much easier than I had ever imagined."

Tyler works a two-days-on, two-days-off schedule, and when he isn't working, the three function like one family unit. Meyer said it's "pretty laid back," and they now "coexist as one big family."

"On the days that he's off, we'll all usually eat meals together, and then we'll either all go to the pool together or go on walks together," Meyer said. "Sometimes, my ex will just take my daughter somewhere, and my husband and I will have some time to hang out at the house."

Tyler's schedule also ensures Meyer still gets one-on-one time with her new husband, who was a huge source of comfort for her through the transition.

"My husband is just like my safe space, so even if my ex did something that ticked me off, my husband would cool me down," she said.

It also helps that Flores and Tyler have developed a close relationship.

The pair are unlikely friends, as Meyer documents on their shared TikTok account, jokingly called "notbrotherhusbands." Still, Tyler does refer to Flores as his brother, as seen in one video.

Co-parenting as a trio

When it comes to raising their kids, all three parents are hands-on with both children. Tyler doesn't parent Flores and Meyer's son, but he has babysat him several times.

Meyer said her daughter is thriving now that she's living with both parents, and having her two children living together has also been a big benefit.

"I love seeing our daughter become a big sister, and having her around all the time has been great for my son," Meyer said. "He's starting to play and engage with her more, and it's been really great just seeing that bond."

Meyer said the living situation works so well for her, Tyler, and Flores because they all did substantial "personal growth" before moving into the same house.

"There was a lot of work that was put into mending our co-parent relationship, healing ourselves of the reasons that we had split in the first place," Meyer said, adding that they addressed any "resentment" and "bitterness" before the move.

The three of them hope to continue living on the same property until their daughter is an adult. They plan to stay in their rental home for another year and are saving money to buy a house with land in 2026.

They plan to eventually have a family compound, and they envision Tyler living in a tiny home while they build him a full, separate house.

"If Tyler were to get a tiny home on the property, our daughter probably wouldn't have a room there, so he could come and go from the 'main house' as often as he wanted," Meyer said.

"A family compound is the goal," she added.

It’s hard to be a new parent, we know. And it’s even harder to take care of yourself while trying to keep a new human alive. Thankfully, there’s a lot of tech out there that helps ease the burden for moms and dads — from tablets and earbuds to a rattle that could help avoid an infant meltdown. Tech won’t help with the mountains of dirty diapers – at least, not until robotic diaper nannies are a thing – but it can at least help new parents stay sane.

• After 14 years of working in public service, I just started a new career.
• With my new job, I'm outside my comfort zone, but it feels invigorating.
• The change has inspired me to get my kids more involved in the community.

I started to crumble when I was forced to change careers after 14 years of service in local government. I had worked and planned for a life of public service, but then life happened, and suddenly, I was in a new career field and way out of my depths.

The sudden change in careers forced me to take a hard look at how I had been living for the last 14 years. While I was reflecting and mourning my old professional life, I started to notice some other areas in my life that I wanted to change — mainly, my parenting.

Now that I'm in a new career and living outside my comfort zone, I'm pushing my kids to do the same so that we all grow together.

I've started a new job after years in the same career

After a decade in the same, stagnant public service position, my ambition got activated. Suddenly, I was applying for promotions, volunteering for projects, attending leadership seminars, and making myself into the traditional idea of a government professional.

I was given an opportunity to further those ambitions in a new role in a different city. But when that opportunity didn't work out, my 14-year career path came to an end.

I spent weeks analyzing where I went wrong. Were those ambitions ever really dreams of mine, or were they pursued because my peers and co-workers were pursuing the same paths? Was I ever good enough to do this work in the first place? Was this career ever really what I wanted?

That's when I decided to switch careers from public service to research and development. The change has felt like learning to pilot a commercial airline while having the professional credentials of a circus entertainer. But the challenge has been surprisingly invigorating.

It's making me consider how stagnant my professional life has become. Routines have been in place for years, and maybe the comfort of that familiarity is starting to become a hindrance to further growth. That realization made me wonder about how stagnant I am becoming as a parent.

I'm pushing my kids to get outside their comfort zone, too

Take community participation, for example. Despite being involved in Scouts and various church activities, my family had managed to be almost completely absent from most volunteer events and neighborhood activities. We had work (or school). We had extracurriculars, and the rest of the time was ours.

That had worked for us. But while I'm currently spending my work hours getting pushed further out of my comfort zone, I decided my family needed a similar shake-up if they were going to grow.

I should note here that both of my boys were already highly accomplished at school and their respective activities before my mid-life crisis arrived, so the decision to get them more involved in the community was equally based on addressing my own parenting weaknesses and a desire to provide them with new experiences and growth opportunities.

When summer arrives, I'm hoping to get the whole family involved in some kind of community service, like working in a soup kitchen or a community garden. We've been taking greater advantage of the opportunities presented through the Scouting organization, like weekend field trips and merit badge mini-camps.

I've already seen both boys grow as people through those experiences. But only time will tell if these decisions were made as a responsible father or someone struggling with their own career and life anxieties.

• I waited until later to have kids, and I thought it would mean slowing down.
• Instead, I feel more active as an older mom than before having kids.
• We're always moving our bodies and it makes me feel younger.

I never felt ready to have a baby. I kept pushing it to later in life, even though I met my husband when I was 31. I was 38 when I had my first child and 40 when I had my second child. I'm 43, but I feel younger because my kids have brought more movement to my life.

I didn't expect to feel this way as an older mom. I had thought I'd have less energy and struggle to keep up with my kids' activity needs. Instead, I often feel invigorated from moving my body all the time. However, the start of my motherhood journey wasn't like this at all.

My energy levels were low for the first few years of being a mom

It took a full year to recover from having my first child. Just as I had started to feel like myself again, I fell pregnant with my second. I had expected things to slow down, but I was kept busy chasing after my energetic toddler.

Once I had two kids under 2, I was exhausted all the time. Regardless of my age, it was a very busy and demanding time in my life.

Thankfully, I reached a turning point when my youngest turned 1. She was starting to walk, so I always had to be on my feet because of her newfound freedom.

We're always moving our bodies

I've always been very active, but mothering two young kids has taken it to the next level. My daughters, aged 2 and 4, are driven by an endless impulse to move. They're always trying to master new movements: My 2-year-old has just learnt to jump, and my 4-year-old is learning to ride a bike.

Through them, I now have a greater appreciation of the joy of movement. I feel like I'm undoing years of being taught that movement had to be done in a particular way. I've also stopped worrying about how I look when I move my body.

Incorporating more movement into each day has been an unexpected gift of becoming a stay-at-home mom. Since leaving full time employment, I no longer get tight hip flexors and lower back pain from sitting for extended periods. I've swapped short, intense bursts of exercise at the gym for an almost constant state of motion.

My kids and I walk, run, hop, and skip through our days together. My heart rate increases by chasing after them, especially when they run off in different directions. We wiggle our bodies to music, do yoga poses together, and challenge each other with obstacle courses.

It's not all play, though. I'm also kept active from continuously tending to my kids' needs and doing household tasks like cooking, cleaning, and running errands.

I feel tired toward the end of each day, but my kids usually have even more energy. They run around being silly ,and sometimes I'll join in. It's hard not to feel younger when I do the things that I used to do as a kid.

They motivate me to stay active

I like being active most days, but I also enjoy my downtime. I cherish relaxing in the evenings after my kids go to bed to prepare my body for the next day's adventures.

As an older mom, I'm both excited and nervous about the future. I'm curious to see how our movement changes over time when they're at school and I'm working full-time. But I'm also worried that one day I won't have the energy to keep up with them.

Because of this concern, I feel motivated to stay active and look after my mobility for my kids. In our moments of shared movement, everything feels right. I'm determined to hold onto that feeling for as long as possible.

• I was not sleeping well, overweight, overeating, and generally not physically or mentally well.
• I told my family I needed time away. I chose a wellness retreat for a week in the mountains.
• The retreat cost $6,900 and was worth every penny. I'm still seeing the benefits months later.

A $6,900 wellness retreat for a week in the mountains of British Columbia sounded indulgent, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something had to give.

I was burned out, foggy-headed, overweight, and feeling a little unmoored.

I'd recently had surgery, and while my doctor had given me the green light to return to all activities, including exercise, I was completely unmotivated to work out.

My sleep was also off, and my eating habits needed an overhaul. I generally eat healthily, but I'd slumped into a bad habit of overeating.

Adding to that, I'm a mom to two high-energy teen boys and had reached a point where I felt maxed out in the parenting department. I didn't hide it, though.

I was honest with my family and told them I needed a reset, that I wasn't feeling my best physically or mentally, and that this retreat was something I was doing for my health. They were supportive.

It's been over two months since the retreat, and I'm completely transformed. I don't have immediate plans to return, but the benefits were so amazing that I would consider going back. It was worth every penny.

Why this retreat was worth it for me

While the $6,900 price tag for Mountain Trek Health Reset Retreat is considerable, it covered everything: guided hikes, yoga, spa treatments, educational talks, and meals.

I learned about the retreat from a friend. It's caffeine- and alcohol-free, with limited sugar/carbs, and focuses on lots of activity, including hiking several hours each day.

I looked at other places, but what really sold me on Mountain Trek was the combination of physical activity, healthy eating, and expert-led classes on topics like sleep.

As a middle-aged mom, this sounded like exactly what I needed.

The retreat taught me how to improve my mental health back home

I have to say, there was something nice about not having to take care of my family and instead having someone take care of me.

I didn't have to plan meals or schedules each day, so the decision fatigue I was feeling at home was gone, and my mind could be more present.

Of course, when I returned home, decision-making turned back on, but I found a way to better manage it.

I now meal-plan on Sundays, which has significantly improved my mental health, and my mind is calmer during the week.

I also learned the phrase micro-dosing happiness. It's about creating happy moments throughout the day.

I never thought of happiness as a practice, but the more I sought out and focused on those small microdosing moments, the better it made me feel.

The biggest surprise of the whole retreat

The hiking is what attracted me to the program, initially, and turned out to be the biggest surprise of the whole retreat.

Hiking is my happy place: I've hiked the Inca Trail in Peru and trekked through Patagonia in Chile.

So, when we were told they divided hiking groups into four categories (1-4, fastest to slowest), I figured I'd fall into group 2, given my recent surgery and weight gain.

It was a huge wake-up call (and a hit to my ego) to find out I had to fall behind to group 4, the slowest. Turns out, group 4 was fabulous.

Because we hiked slower, I was able to take in the beautiful flowers, frogs, deer, and other wildlife while the women and I bonded over our various life struggles.

I grew to accept — and appreciate — the slower pace. And the connections I made with those women, as well as the rest of the people at the retreat (there were 13 of us, three men and ten women; Mountain Trek limits it to 16 total), were one of the best parts of that week.

My week in the mountains was the perfect reset I needed

Back home, I'm still seeing the benefits.

I've rediscovered my motivation to move and am committed to the gym five days a week, walking with a friend three to four times a week, and sitting less overall.

I break up my day with movement breaks, even if it's just going up and down the stairs for five minutes.

I also finally curbed my overeating habit. The retreat offered six small meals a day without second servings. I was hungry the first couple of days, but my body adapted after that, and I've kept my portion sizes smaller at home, too.

The new routine makes me feel more energized and less stressed. It's largely thanks to the retreat and admitting to myself that I needed a break, and being brave enough to take it.

I met several people on the retreat who were regulars, and I could see myself going back. I missed my husband and kids, but to spend a full week really working on myself — emotionally, physically, mentally — was a gift.

• My baby has been on eight flights and isn't even a year old yet.
• Our first flight was short, which helped us learn how to make future, longer flights a success.
• Now I know a travel stroller is essential for maneuvering in the airport and worth the investment.

As a person who travels quite a bit, I'll admit I was nervous about traveling with my first child. What if they cried? What if we disturbed nearby passengers? What if there was a diaper blowout? There was a lot to be anxious about.

Our first fight was just 90 minutes, but we survived it. Now, my baby is has already been on eight flights — domestic and international — and they aren't even a year old yet. Our goal has been to keep our baby safe and comfortable, while making sure the flight is peaceful and enjoyable for ourselves and the people around us. My family has accomplished this by following these simple strategies.

We started with a short flight

While this may not always be possible, it helped my family quite a bit that our first flight with a baby was a shorter one, just 90 minutes long. This allowed us to get our bearings, while introducing our baby to flying. Plus, it helped us to see if there was anything we might need to adjust for future, longer flights.

We always wear a baby carrier

If there's one item I wouldn't get on a flight without, it would be my baby carrier. There are many styles, but for flights, I prefer a wrap-style carrier for it's comfort and compactness.

I appreciate the hands-free experience through the airport, and, more importantly, they make it more comfortable to hold your baby throughout the flight if they are flying as a lap infant.

My own bag is super organized

Luggage organizing pouches are my best friend on a flight. I have several in my own carryon bag so I can keep snacks, headphones, sanitizing wipes, and more neat and organized. When everything is in its own bag I don't have to dig around searching for it when I need it, which can be a lifesaver.

On our last flight, my baby was asleep on my chest, but I desperately wanted my Kindle, headphones, and a snack. It was easy for me to snag them from my bag without waking the baby.

A travel stroller is essential

On our first trip, we didn't have a travel stroller. I didn't want to spend extra money on more gear and I thought we would be fine without it. That was a big mistake. Now we have an affordable model that is easy to use. It isn't as bulky as our usual stroller, but it's perfect for maneuvering through the terminal and provides an extra place to stash essentials while at the airport.

We check, and double check, our diaper bag

I always make sure we're set up for success with extra outfits that are warm and comfortable just in case we run into any delays or something gets dirty while we're traveling. A travel diaper changing mat is a must-have item that allows us to change our child no matter where we are. On our international flight, our baby had a diaper that desperately needed changing, but we were stuck in our seats. Thanks to our travel mat, we were able to get the baby back into a clean diaper right away. And, as all parents know, extra wipes and diapers are never a bad idea.

We don't skimp on toys

Of course, packing comfort items, books, and fun toys is a great way to redirect restlessness on a flight. I try to keep to items that are small, mess-free, and not too noisy and always add in a few new items that my child hasn't seen before.

We take advantage of early boarding

As soon as we get to the gate, one of us makes a beeline for the gate agent. We double check that our seats are all together and ask for any necessary accommodations. Many airlines let those traveling with young children board early, and we always take advantage of this. It's a lot easier to get down the narrow plane aisle with all of our stuff and a baby if other passengers aren't in the way.

We try to plan around naps and feeding time

Though this isn't always possible, we try to line up flights so they happen when our baby is ready for a nap. Recently, we selected a flight time not based on our typical preference, but based around our baby's sleep schedule, and it really paid off. Ideally, I'll be able to feed the baby during takeoff, which keeps them comfortable and happy and then they will settle into a nice slumber for the flight. We've used this strategy for a few flights, and it's been successful every time.

We do our best to stay calm

It may be easier said than done, but staying in a good headspace is what has helped me and my husband the most during these flights. We've both still had stressful moments, and that's when we try to help one another to take a step back and regroup. Our child picks up on our feelings and moods, so if we're anxious, they might be, too. Taking deep breaths, not rushing, staying calm has helped make the eight flights we've already been on a success and we can't wait to take more.

• Like most families, our clutter situation was getting out of control.
• It was hard for my kids to part with items, even if they were unused, so I came up with a plan.
• We now list our unwanted items on soiclal media and use the money to pad our family gift fund.

Over the years, my family of six has accumulated a lot of stuff — a lot. Clothing, toys, sports equipment, you name it, I probably had it somewhere in my house.

The pandemic only made things worse for us. After all, we were spending months upon months isolated at home. We needed to keep our four kids occupied while we worked. So we bought stuff, and more stuff, and more stuff.

Between that difficult time, plus many birthdays and other gift-receiving holidays, the clutter just just kept accumulating and I was drowning — until I came up with a decluttering solution my kids were actually into.

It's been hard for the kids to let go

Like many kids, mine do not like to part with their items, even when they are no longer used or don't fit. Then it dawned on me one day, why not sell the items with a goal in mind?

I motivated my kids to clean out their rooms and our garage by stating that any money we made from selling items would go into a group fund to buy them, and others, future gifts. Christmas is our favorite holiday, followed by our kids' birthdays. Finding the perfect gift for others is important to us and it's something we put a lot of effort into. Our goal wasn't just about ourselves, which was important to me.

Suddenly, my kids were highly motivated to part with too-snug sweatshirts, toys they never played with anymore, and even bigger items like outgrown bicycles. I was making progress.

The sales started adding up

I listed the items in Facebook groups designated for locals to sell to one another.

Within a few weeks, I had sold my own gently-used bicycle for $75. Not bad for something that had been sitting unused in our basement storage for over five years. It was silly to hang on to such big and profitable gear.

My kids quickly got in on the action. One sold a skateboard that had been gathering dust in the garage for over a year. My daughter sold her too-small soccer cleats, only used indoors and for eight weeks. And we all sold lots of youth clothing.

The challenge was fun

Our newer goal of cleaning up and making money for our gift fund felt like a fun challenge for the kids, which helped get them excited. Along the way, they have brought me items to sell that I've vetoed. With four kids, we pass down a lot of times, like winter coats. We aren't going to buy items, sell them, and turn around and buy another new winter coat, for example. I established the rule that I get the final say on if something is sold or not.

One key to making this gift fund successful is making sure our seller profile gets great reviews. Therefore, we make sure to accurately list the condition of items, price them fairly, and respond to messages quickly. Right now, we have 5 stars.

Some items we give away for free

Any items we no longer use and are in fair condition are listed on our local "buy nothing" social media page. For example, all four kids had outgrown a pair of snow boots that were still usable but appeared very worn. I listed these the day before we were supposed to get a foot of snow, and they were picked up within a few hours. Even when we can't make a buck off an item, my kids are now in cleaning-out mode, and someone else gets to enjoy the item.

We started our gift fund in January, and we currently have about $200 in it. This may not seem like a big chunk of change, but once the kids are home on summer break, I expect we will do a lot more organizing and listing.

Since so many people are always looking for a good deal, our plan was a win-win-win. Our home is less cluttered, we're padding our gift fund, and others get to enjoy the items we no longer use.

• We wanted to go to our friends' three-day wedding, but leaving our kids was going to be tough.
• We decided to rent an apartment big enough that my parents could come with us.
• They watched the kids while we went to the wedding events, and we all had a great time.

Parenting during the early years can be tricky, especially when your little one wants you and only you. Your social life often gets put on the back burner, and I struggled with this when I became a mom.

Last year, my husband and I were invited to our friends' three-day wedding on the Gold Coast, Australia, where my folks are based. These particular friends know how to throw an epic party, so we really wanted to be there to celebrate with them. My husband and I were also desperately in need of a little kid-free adult time, where we could let loose and reconnect with our younger selves again.

However, our youngest daughter was still quite clingy with me. Our older two kids were 5 and 9 at the time, so we knew they would be fine if they had a three-day sleepover at my parents' house, but the 2-year-old wouldn't hear of it.

In the lead-up to the wedding, my husband and I deliberated about what to do. Hiring a babysitter around the clock was out of the question, and it was going to be hard for my mom and dad to have the three kids at their place, which was about a half-hour drive from the wedding. So, my husband came up with a plan.

My mom and dad came with us to watch the kids

"Why don't we pay for your mom and dad to stay around the corner from the wedding?" he asked one night over dinner. It sounded like a good idea to me, so I asked my folks if they would mind, and they said they'd love to. After all, who doesn't want a mini-break in an apartment on the beach (even with three little kids to entertain)?

We rented the most perfect three-bedroom apartment with enough room for all seven of us so my parents could stay and watch the kids while we went to the wedding events. It had views of the Gold Coast and the occasional migrating humpback whale cruising past. There was a playground close to our apartment, and it was a short walk to the local shops. Best of all, the hotel where the wedding guests were staying was a two-minute walk away.

When the big day arrived and we checked in, the kids were so excited about the setting, they barely registered it that night when it was time for my husband and me to slip out to attend the first wedding event — a cocktail party.

We got glammed up, enjoyed a few drinks, and then returned to the apartment to kiss the kids goodnight before continuing the festivities. It was perfect.

The next day was the day of the actual wedding. We spent the morning with the kids and my folks on the beach, then walked two minutes down the road to the bus stop, where transport was waiting to take us to a picturesque wedding venue in the next suburb.

It was the perfect arrangement, and we all had a good time

We had the most amazing time at the wedding and loved that we were still close enough to go back to the apartment in a taxi if the kids needed us. Luckily, they didn't — they were having too much fun with Nana and Pop.

The third day was a recovery day. We had a boozy brunch at a local surf club, and then that night, we headed back to the same venue where the welcome cocktail party was held for impromptu post-wedding drinks with our friends. We had a ball and crept into the apartment at 3 a.m. feeling like two naughty 20-somethings.

Overall, paying for a larger apartment so our parents could stay with us and babysit while we attended our friends' wedding worked amazingly well. It meant we had people we trusted watching our kids, and the kids felt safe being with their grandparents, so they didn't need us.

We all ended up having an incredible three days. Mom and Dad made memories with the kids, while my husband and I danced and frolicked and felt like we were in our 20s again.

• I'm a therapist and run a support group for moms.
• I know that even when their kids were going through hard times, they were still good moms.
• My self-worth is separate from my children's development.

As a therapist, I run a support group for mothers with guilt and low self-esteem related to their children's mental health or addiction struggles in young adulthood.

The mothers blame themselves. They express grief and jealousy when happy photos fill their social media feeds or the neighbors eat together next door.

I have celebrated and soothed alongside these mothers, hour by hour, year by year. Like most parents, their children had a variety of moments: power struggles, science fairs, sports achievements, and disappointing mistakes.

From my perspective, their children were navigating hard moments, but they were still good moms. I could easily list these women's parenting strengths. How could I convince them, though?

I don't like to hear 'Good job, Mom'

I was thinking about these themes as I brought my own adolescent daughter to the pediatrician. I thought things were going well, but I know adolescents can mask difficulties. When I was in the waiting room, I felt as vulnerable as the women in my office.

After a private chat, my pediatrician came out with a big smile. She spoke to me about my daughter's growth and confidence and said, "Great job, Mom! Keep doing what you're doing!"

At first, I grinned back. Of course, I am relieved that my daughter is doing well. We have worked hard to help her grow and thrive. I hummed along as I drove away.

But then I thought about other times when I left the pediatrician's office. Sometimes the pediatrician had lots of recommendations for me, because my child needed more care or different supports. No one said "great job" on those visits. In fact, I often felt lightly criticized or inadequate.

When my kids struggle, I'm still working hard behind the scenes

Although today's feedback felt nice to hear, I realized that "great job" is too broad, finite, and not necessarily true. The doctor saw my daughter on a good day at one moment in time.

My child's behavior at an individual snapshot in time does not reflect my parenting skills. Like all children, mine will appear to cope and smile at times when they suffer silently, or they might excel in one domain but struggle in another area.

Sometimes, I am the parent on the family bike ride, and we are flying along, excited and happy. Sometimes, I'm on the phone with a frustrated teacher or get an outraged text from a neighbor.

When my kids struggle, I'm working just as hard, if not harder, but my parenting skills and efforts go unrecognized.

Moms should give themselves compassion

My support group mothers connect well and have a lot of compassion for each other. As we meet each week in the safety of belonging and laughter, real truths start to emerge. The women are not "failing" at parenting. Young adults are not fully grown, and the relationship between parents and children can wind together and apart for many decades.

Young adults are complicated shape-shifters, not packaged products. Their bodies and brains grow for many years into young adulthood.

We cannot force our children to adopt our values or control what they choose to do with their young minds and bodies. For instance, I didn't choose to raise my children during a pandemic. I didn't choose to develop breast cancer. There are unpredictable factors in childhood beyond a parent's power, which can cause children to struggle in life.

From my perspective, skilled mothers are reflective parents who support their children with different supports at different stages. We create healthy boundaries that separate our self-worth from our children's developing identities.

We have to tend to ourselves with the same compassion that we turn toward our children.

• What I initially viewed as an indulgence was the smartest financial and wellness decision I've made.
• I thought my maternity leave would involve time to cook and embrace domestic life, but I was wrong.
• I was eating too much takeout and not losing baby weight. I hired a cook who transformed my life.

After moving from New York City to London, I got pregnant, and five months ago, my son entered the world.

As a lawyer with a Type A personality who is used to hustle, I fully expected to make the most of my time during maternity leave.

I envisioned cooking nutritious meals from scratch, taking long strolls through London parks with my newborn nestled against me, and embracing the domestic life I'd put on hold during years of legal briefs and client meetings.

The reality, however, was far from that.

My aspirations crumbled

Week after week, the groceries I diligently purchased would wither away untouched while my husband and I reached for our phones to order yet another round of expensive takeout.

Between the sleepless nights, constant feedings, and the overall adjustment to motherhood in a new country, my culinary aspirations quickly crumbled.

The breaking point came when I calculated our monthly food expenses, which were averaging about $670 on takeout. The combination of wasted groceries and excessive delivery orders felt like a burden on our bank account.

Plus, I felt lethargic, was struggling to lose excess baby weight, and never felt full. Since I was breastfeeding my son, I knew that my diet was instrumental in his getting the right nutrients.

Something had to change.

I hired a cook

The solution appeared in the most unexpected of places: Facebook. A friend in our area had recommended the Facebook group "Indians in Watford," where I found a local cook available for a reasonable $15 per hour.

She came with stellar reviews from other families. I messaged her to arrange a phone call and instantly felt aspects of my upbringing, and glimpses of my mom, in her.

She now comes to our home twice a week, prepping breakfasts, lunches, and dinners for the full work week.

The $90 weekly investment it costs us has been absolutely transformative.

Food is no longer something I fret over

She's well-versed in many cuisines, including Indian, Thai, Indo-Chinese, Italian, and Mediterranean.

Breakfasts include chia puddings, tofu scrambles, freshly baked croissants, and cut fruits. Lunches are usually different chilis, stir fries, Indian curries like chickpeas, vegetables, or paneer, and casseroles.

There was an initial trial-and-error period where we asked her to make meals spicier, avoid certain curries like okra and green beans, and cut down on the salt. Now, the meals are exactly how we prefer.

It requires zero mental effort from me, and food is no longer something my husband and I fret over. On the weekends, we take turns cooking and allow ourselves some takeout as a treat or a meal out if our son's sleep schedule allows.

Our food expenses have significantly decreased, and I have more physical and mental energy

Now, our monthly food expenses average about $270.

As an unexpected bonus, her nutritious, portion-controlled meals have me feeling more energized and a step closer to fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes.

I initially felt a lot of guilt in outsourcing cooking, especially because of my pre-baby vision of what maternity leave "should" look like. Eventually, though, I was forced to acknowledge my limitations.

In the corporate world, I'd learned to delegate effectively. Why not apply the same principle to motherhood?

Without having to prepare meals or do the post-cooking cleaning, I have extra time to bond with my baby and the mental space to enjoy this precious new chapter of life in London.

What I initially viewed as an indulgence turned out to be the smartest financial and wellness decision we could have made. We've also hired her to clean our home and occasionally look after my son if I need an hour break to go for a solo walk or take a meeting.

What I've learned is that sometimes the best life hack isn't doing everything yourself, but finding the right help at the right time.

• I always pictured a two-parent household for my daughter.
• But a year after becoming a single mom, I realized it was the best thing that could've happened.
• I get to make parenting decisions by myself and can focus all my energy on my daughter.

I never pictured myself as a single mom. As a little girl, I knew I wanted to be a mother more than anything, but I also knew I never wanted to bring a child into a situation similar to my own. Coming from a single-parent household and having had a traumatic childhood, it was more important to me than anything that I give my children a better start in life than my own.

So, I waited. I waited so long that I'd even started coming to terms with never becoming a mother. And when I had my daughter at 36, I'd never been happier in my life. But despite my best efforts, I became a single mother after leaving my partner when she was just six months old. Our relationship was unhealthy, and we do not co-parent together.

I'll be the first to admit the circumstances weren't easy. I'd planned to stay home and work as a freelance writer to supplement our income. That was no longer an option financially. I had new trauma to process and a relationship to mourn, with no time to do it. Like many other single moms, I didn't exactly have an abundance of downtime. And, also like many parents in the US these days, I had no village nearby to help. I was staring down my worst fear: raising my daughter in a childhood that looked like mine.

But looking back nearly a year after becoming a single mother, I see it as the best thing that could have happened.

I can parent exactly how I want to

I often hear other moms vent about how their partners approach certain parenting situations completely differently from how they would. Maybe one parent leans more toward gentle parenting while the other prefers another style. Perhaps they have different timelines in mind for weaning, or different priorities.

As a single parent, I don't have to worry about these conflicts. There are no unexpected fights because of how I respond at any moment, or how my co-parent does. I can simply respond to normal situations like tantrums (which my toddler just started having this month) without the added stress of managing my partner's emotions, too. At the end of the day, I can simply do what I feel is best for my child without the added drama.

I don't have to split myself between my child and a partner

There have been many nights where I've plopped on the couch after getting my toddler down for the night, exhausted both mentally and physically, with barely enough energy to wash my face, start the dishwasher, and make it to bed. One thought that always creeps in is, "How on Earth could I manage the needs of a relationship on top of all this?"

I've always loved love, relationships, and all that comes with those things. But even the best relationships require work. While having a partner to help with tasks like putting my toddler to bed and loading the dishwasher would be nice, I also like being able to do things my way, and the energy I expend doing those things is not more than the energy it takes to keep up a healthy relationship. Right now, as a new parent, I just don't feel I have that energy.

While I always dreamed of a two-parent household for my family, I also find gratitude in the fact that I haven't had to split myself between my child and my relationship — especially an unhealthy one. I haven't had to struggle to muster more of myself to give because there's no competition: I can simply give all of myself to my daughter.

I've been able to soak up every moment of my daughter's childhood

Despite a rather rough year, I live in immense gratitude. I've spent nearly every moment with my daughter. I don't mean just physically, either. I've been able to be mentally and emotionally present for every single moment, every single milestone, and every single stage of development.

How lucky am I that I've been able to soak up every moment of my child's life so far? It may not have been the version of motherhood I imagined, but it's one for which I am extremely grateful.

• Julie Beckham is a financial educator and mom of two.
• Her daughter is a high school senior, and her son is about to graduate from college.
• She's had honest conversations about the cost of college since they were young.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Julie Beckham, assistant vice president of financial education and development and strategy officer at Rockland Trust Bank. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I grew up in a middle-class family and was lucky to have my parents pay for my education at New York University. NYU was still expensive back in the 1990s, but it was the type of expensive that a middle-class family could still afford with a moderate amount of sacrifice.

Today, as a financial educator, I still consider myself middle class, but there's no way I could pay the entire cost of college education for my two kids, who are 18 and 21. That's true for many families, thanks to the skyrocketing cost of college.

Because of that, I've been very intentional about talking with my kids about paying for college — from the time they started high school.

Here's how we've planned together to manage the cost.

Choose more affordable schools

Schools with a lower profile yet more affordable tuition can offer a better return on investment for many families. Getting kids to consider these can be tricky since colleges are so good at marketing. Sometimes, going to a "name brand" school is less about the degree and more about the swag.

Ask your kids what they love about a well-known school. Then, provide alternatives that have that same characteristic, at a lower price point. Boston College is popular near where I live because of its football culture, but the same vibe can be found elsewhere for a much lower price.

I've told my kids to consider schools that may not be well-known or have all the swag but are nonetheless special. These schools can give talented students more financial aid and a chance to stand out.

Understand what you can afford, and tell your kids

As my kids approached college age, their dad and I talked about the amount that we could afford to pay toward their education. It's based on what works for each of our budgets.

My kids are expected to pay the difference between the cost of their college and what we're able to cover as their parents.

I recommend parents be very honest about what they can afford, so students can decide whether they're willing to take on student loan debt to cover other costs.

Ditch the guilt about what you can't cover

Sometimes I feel guilty that I can't pay for their whole education. But this is my reality and what I can reasonably afford.

Although I'm a financial educator, I didn't have the means to start saving for college until my kids were in their teens. When I did, it was very simple: transferring a small portion of each paycheck to a savings account I named "college." It wasn't a 529 college savings plan, it wasn't a lot of money, and it wasn't very sophisticated, but it was a start.

It's easy to criticize ourselves as parents, but we need to acknowledge we're often doing the best we can for our kids.

Apply for grants and scholarships

Small grants and scholarships might seem insignificant against the huge bill for college, but they add up. You think $500 isn't going to make a dent, but when you're paying $80 for a book, you realize $500 can be helpful.

I helped my kids apply by researching opportunities, reminding them of deadlines, and encouraging them to work on applications. Sometimes they weren't happy to write another essay, but I reminded them it would take an hour and they could get hundreds of dollars.

Ask for more financial aid

Once you've applied to schools and received your financial aid packages, you might notice significant differences in how much aid your student gets from each school. If that's the case, you can ask a school to match what a comparable school has provided.

I've tried this twice. Once, I called the financial aid office, and they said they couldn't make changes. But another time, I was asked to email the other offer, and they'd see if they could adjust the financial aid package. It never hurts to ask.

Consider graduating early

My son is about to graduate from college a year early, which is a huge savings for our family. He did it by taking advanced placement (AP) classes in high school and earning a few extra credits during college. It was hard work, but it will likely save our family thousands of dollars.

College brings up a lot of feelings for parents and kids. There's so much pressure to get this step right. It's helpful to remember that this is just the first of many steps. Although it feels important, it's the decisions we make every day that really impact our lives.

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• The Great Recession of 2008 hit hard, but you wouldn't know it from the way I was spending.
• I had a job that paid well, so I ignored economic warning signs and overspent in the coming years.
• My mistakes led to years of financial strain that impacted my family and my wellbeing.

Imagine raising five young children, watching the economy collapse into itself, and not changing your spending habits. I don't have to, because it happened to me during the Great Recession of 2008.

I have to say, I don't recommend it. My naivete led to my financial downfall, a divorce, losing touch with my family, and even becoming homeless for a time.

As many of us are now on the edge of our seats wondering what's next for our current economy, I'm planning to be a bit more cautious this time around. I've learned a lot of hard lessons since the last recession, and I won't be making the same mistakes again.

Life seemed good

I felt economically stable in the late-2000s. I had a good salary as a technical writer at Citigroup. My wife and I owned a four-bedroom house, two cars, and had some discretionary money. Our life was comfortable.

I wasn't anxious about the 2007 subprime mortgage implosion. After all, I had a 30-year fixed-rate loan.

I wasn't concerned about the stock market crash of September 2008. In my mind, that was karma hitting back at the never-ending greed of American businesses.

I didn't worry about Citigroup — a multi-national company with billions in assets. Surely, the nearly two-century-old bank was too big to fail.

Then they weren't.

I pretended everything was fine

I obsessively watched Citigroup's stock losemuch of its value. For the briefest of moments in November 2008, it fell below a dollar a share before rallying.

When this happened, I momentarily envisioned a worst-case scenario: Citigroup might rapidly collapse under its financial weight, taking its thousands of employees with it — including me.

I didn't physically reveal my discomfort at the time. Instead, I moved forward like the economic world wasn't on fire. I put on an impassive face and assured my family that nothing was wrong.

My wife and I didn't have late-night chats on proper budgeting. We didn't talk to the kids about tightening our belts. I didn't speak to a financial advisor or shop around for lower car insurance costs. In retrospect, I should have done everything I could to secure my family's financial future.

Instead, I spent thousands of dollars on a family vacation to Disney World. We refinished our deck, purchased new kitchen flooring, and updated appliances. In 2009, we welcomed our fifth child, adding more expenses.

We purchased some of these items with cash (new baby excluded), but a large percentage was purchased with credit, eventually resulting in thousands of dollars of debt.

Still, it seemed like calm seas for the S.S. Keller. However, I wasn't steering a double-hulled cruise ship. I was rowing a dinghy against the current as a waterfall of denial loomed in front of me.

Now I know better

This life of lying to myself and my family hurt everyone in the end. In my mind, it was okay to tap into the savings and use credit for expenses beyond the budget. I had a steady, well-paying job at a large corporation.

Yet, I repeatedly overextended my finances when I should have been reeling in my family's financial habits. Compounding this was undiagnosed bipolar disorder. This contributed to impulsive spending and magical thinking about unrealistic financial assessments, but not all could be blamed on this eventual diagnosis.

The mistakes I made during this time led to my eventual divorce and a stretch of time that I spent homeless. The transition from a four-bedroom house to a minivan was a devastating blow.

Further, each time I review my credit report I cringe at the history of my financial missteps.

I didn't learn how to be financially responsible until after my bipolar diagnosis in 2020. Before that, I spent money as soon as it was earned. I lied to my family and endangered their financial stability. It has taken years to heal the wounds.

I now know that honesty and open communication with your family, even about difficult topics like finances, are essential for navigating uncertainty. While you don't have to prepare for the worst-case scenario, you must have the necessary monetary tools to withstand economic turbulence. This includes an emergency fund, budget, and debt reduction plan. I know this now, and I will be keeping it in mind in the coming months.

Today, I live in Northern Colorado and work hard to maintain a solid financial foundation. Although I recently lost my job, I don't give up and do the minimum to find a new position like I used to. I put in 100%, even when my neurodivergence wants me to do otherwise.

It's a precarious balancing act, especially for someone in their mid-50s. Nevertheless, I'm determined to live a life of abundance instead of scarcity.