• My son didn't know what college he wanted to go to or what to major in.
• Instead of taking a gap year to figure it out, he enrolled in college anyway.
• He regrets that decision, but at least, he enrolled in a community college to save money.

My son is in grad school and loving what he's studying. But it wasn't an easy road to get here.

He was unsure about undergrad at first, chose a random major, and regretted it come graduation day. Looking back, he wonders if he should've taken a gap year between high school and college to figure out what he really wanted.

We've recently both reflected on his undergraduate years. It's clear he made some mistakes, but he found his way and is on the right path now.

My son felt rushed into a college decision

In hindsight, my son wasn't ready for college and didn't know what he wanted to do.

He was coming off four insanely busy and stressful years of high school. He simply didn't have the time to process or even consider his future.

I wish we'd discussed a gap year or delaying college, which would have given him time to figure out the right move for him, instead of following what was expected.

He agrees. He told me he often wishes he hadn't gone into college so quickly.

We should've had more honest conversations about his major

During May of his senior year, my son struggled. It was time to graduate and figure out what's next.

For most careers, college isn't the place where you learn about what the day-to-day is like, how to get an entry-level role, and what you'll earn.

It wasn't until he was job searching in those last few months of school that my son really learned about entry-level opportunities in his field.

The actual day-to-day work wasn't what he had been learning about in school, and the pay was quite low.

He knew that if he wanted to continue pursuing this career path, he'd need a master's degree, probably a doctorate. He figured he'd need five more years and $60,000 of schooling for something he really wasn't sure he wanted to do.

He shared that he was quickly learning the whole philosophy he had been told in high school and college was wrong: "You can't go to college for four years and get a decent job. For most professions, it's just not true," he told me.

I wish he had become involved in an activity earlier

Beyond the choices he made early on in his college career, he also made some mistakes during his first couple of years on campus.

He was a coed cheerleader in high school but didn't want that level of commitment anymore. He was simply too burned out from high school cheer to participate on his college campus. This was another incident where a gap year could've helped.

We both wish he had done an activity in those first years, but he eventually joined cheerleading as a junior. He made new friends and had memorable experiences cheering at games and nationals.

Luckily, my son went to community college first to save money

We live in Illinois, and state schools are expensive here. For the 2023-2024 school year, Illinois in-state tuition averaged $18,155.

Therefore, he made a great decision: He enrolled in an excellent community college, which was a more affordable way to explore majors and adapt to having more independence. He saved thousands by exploring what he wanted to study at a cheaper school.

He then attended the UWM in his sophomore year. He lived on campus, and the cost was about $18,000 a year.

Although it was a bumpy road, my son finally found his passion a few years after graduation when he started therapy.

Now he's studying to be a licensed professional counselor and recommends knowing what you want to do before college. He says work in the field, have personal experiences, and talk to people on the job. Enroll when you have figured out what you have a true passion for.

• Julie Beckham is a financial educator and mom of two.
• Her daughter is a high school senior, and her son is about to graduate from college.
• She's had honest conversations about the cost of college since they were young.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Julie Beckham, assistant vice president of financial education and development and strategy officer at Rockland Trust Bank. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I grew up in a middle-class family and was lucky to have my parents pay for my education at New York University. NYU was still expensive back in the 1990s, but it was the type of expensive that a middle-class family could still afford with a moderate amount of sacrifice.

Today, as a financial educator, I still consider myself middle class, but there's no way I could pay the entire cost of college education for my two kids, who are 18 and 21. That's true for many families, thanks to the skyrocketing cost of college.

Because of that, I've been very intentional about talking with my kids about paying for college — from the time they started high school.

Here's how we've planned together to manage the cost.

Choose more affordable schools

Schools with a lower profile yet more affordable tuition can offer a better return on investment for many families. Getting kids to consider these can be tricky since colleges are so good at marketing. Sometimes, going to a "name brand" school is less about the degree and more about the swag.

Ask your kids what they love about a well-known school. Then, provide alternatives that have that same characteristic, at a lower price point. Boston College is popular near where I live because of its football culture, but the same vibe can be found elsewhere for a much lower price.

I've told my kids to consider schools that may not be well-known or have all the swag but are nonetheless special. These schools can give talented students more financial aid and a chance to stand out.

Understand what you can afford, and tell your kids

As my kids approached college age, their dad and I talked about the amount that we could afford to pay toward their education. It's based on what works for each of our budgets.

My kids are expected to pay the difference between the cost of their college and what we're able to cover as their parents.

I recommend parents be very honest about what they can afford, so students can decide whether they're willing to take on student loan debt to cover other costs.

Ditch the guilt about what you can't cover

Sometimes I feel guilty that I can't pay for their whole education. But this is my reality and what I can reasonably afford.

Although I'm a financial educator, I didn't have the means to start saving for college until my kids were in their teens. When I did, it was very simple: transferring a small portion of each paycheck to a savings account I named "college." It wasn't a 529 college savings plan, it wasn't a lot of money, and it wasn't very sophisticated, but it was a start.

It's easy to criticize ourselves as parents, but we need to acknowledge we're often doing the best we can for our kids.

Apply for grants and scholarships

Small grants and scholarships might seem insignificant against the huge bill for college, but they add up. You think $500 isn't going to make a dent, but when you're paying $80 for a book, you realize $500 can be helpful.

I helped my kids apply by researching opportunities, reminding them of deadlines, and encouraging them to work on applications. Sometimes they weren't happy to write another essay, but I reminded them it would take an hour and they could get hundreds of dollars.

Ask for more financial aid

Once you've applied to schools and received your financial aid packages, you might notice significant differences in how much aid your student gets from each school. If that's the case, you can ask a school to match what a comparable school has provided.

I've tried this twice. Once, I called the financial aid office, and they said they couldn't make changes. But another time, I was asked to email the other offer, and they'd see if they could adjust the financial aid package. It never hurts to ask.

Consider graduating early

My son is about to graduate from college a year early, which is a huge savings for our family. He did it by taking advanced placement (AP) classes in high school and earning a few extra credits during college. It was hard work, but it will likely save our family thousands of dollars.

College brings up a lot of feelings for parents and kids. There's so much pressure to get this step right. It's helpful to remember that this is just the first of many steps. Although it feels important, it's the decisions we make every day that really impact our lives.