• Julie Beckham is a financial educator and mom of two.
• Her daughter is a high school senior, and her son is about to graduate from college.
• She's had honest conversations about the cost of college since they were young.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Julie Beckham, assistant vice president of financial education and development and strategy officer at Rockland Trust Bank. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I grew up in a middle-class family and was lucky to have my parents pay for my education at New York University. NYU was still expensive back in the 1990s, but it was the type of expensive that a middle-class family could still afford with a moderate amount of sacrifice.

Today, as a financial educator, I still consider myself middle class, but there's no way I could pay the entire cost of college education for my two kids, who are 18 and 21. That's true for many families, thanks to the skyrocketing cost of college.

Because of that, I've been very intentional about talking with my kids about paying for college — from the time they started high school.

Here's how we've planned together to manage the cost.

Choose more affordable schools

Schools with a lower profile yet more affordable tuition can offer a better return on investment for many families. Getting kids to consider these can be tricky since colleges are so good at marketing. Sometimes, going to a "name brand" school is less about the degree and more about the swag.

Ask your kids what they love about a well-known school. Then, provide alternatives that have that same characteristic, at a lower price point. Boston College is popular near where I live because of its football culture, but the same vibe can be found elsewhere for a much lower price.

I've told my kids to consider schools that may not be well-known or have all the swag but are nonetheless special. These schools can give talented students more financial aid and a chance to stand out.

Understand what you can afford, and tell your kids

As my kids approached college age, their dad and I talked about the amount that we could afford to pay toward their education. It's based on what works for each of our budgets.

My kids are expected to pay the difference between the cost of their college and what we're able to cover as their parents.

I recommend parents be very honest about what they can afford, so students can decide whether they're willing to take on student loan debt to cover other costs.

Ditch the guilt about what you can't cover

Sometimes I feel guilty that I can't pay for their whole education. But this is my reality and what I can reasonably afford.

Although I'm a financial educator, I didn't have the means to start saving for college until my kids were in their teens. When I did, it was very simple: transferring a small portion of each paycheck to a savings account I named "college." It wasn't a 529 college savings plan, it wasn't a lot of money, and it wasn't very sophisticated, but it was a start.

It's easy to criticize ourselves as parents, but we need to acknowledge we're often doing the best we can for our kids.

Apply for grants and scholarships

Small grants and scholarships might seem insignificant against the huge bill for college, but they add up. You think $500 isn't going to make a dent, but when you're paying $80 for a book, you realize $500 can be helpful.

I helped my kids apply by researching opportunities, reminding them of deadlines, and encouraging them to work on applications. Sometimes they weren't happy to write another essay, but I reminded them it would take an hour and they could get hundreds of dollars.

Ask for more financial aid

Once you've applied to schools and received your financial aid packages, you might notice significant differences in how much aid your student gets from each school. If that's the case, you can ask a school to match what a comparable school has provided.

I've tried this twice. Once, I called the financial aid office, and they said they couldn't make changes. But another time, I was asked to email the other offer, and they'd see if they could adjust the financial aid package. It never hurts to ask.

Consider graduating early

My son is about to graduate from college a year early, which is a huge savings for our family. He did it by taking advanced placement (AP) classes in high school and earning a few extra credits during college. It was hard work, but it will likely save our family thousands of dollars.

College brings up a lot of feelings for parents and kids. There's so much pressure to get this step right. It's helpful to remember that this is just the first of many steps. Although it feels important, it's the decisions we make every day that really impact our lives.

• When my sons went to college, I became an empty nester.
• Since I was a single mother, I was left all alone in a silent house.
• I confronted the grief I buried after my parents died since I no longer had to care for my kids.

As I drove away from my son's college dorm last summer, tears rolled down my cheeks. I did not care about the mascara smeared on my eyelids.

A few minutes later, I called my son to check how he was doing. He giggled and said, "Mom, I'm OK."

As a single mother, I was not. I was missing his sweet voice. I held onto our last moments at home together and let all my emotions out. I cried like a baby.

My two sons were now out of the house and studying at the University of Tennessee. It was bittersweet to let them go. I was happy for their accomplishments and that they had a new road ahead of them, but I did not know what my road would be.

I was also now an empty nester — and I had to learn to be OK with that.

I struggled with the silence in my empty nest

I was afraid of silence in my house. I would walk through the rooms and realize my kids were gone. I grieved in the silence, turning the music on my phone so I did not feel alone.

Often, I found myself asleep on the sofa with the TV in the background.

I tried to fill my void with work and friends, but I still had to return home to that quiet, empty house.

Being a single empty nester mom is not for the weak. I had to focus on becoming the best version of myself — and allow moments of grief when they hit me.

The feeling of loneliness was familiar

As I sat with my loneliness and explored my identity crisis, I realized these feelings were not new. I felt them when my parents died and never fully processed those emotions.

I wanted to be strong for my kids and myself. I held my grief in for a long time so that I could care for my sons. But when they left for college, I realized I had stored the pain of my parents' loss. My kids were almost like a shield protecting me from that pain.

Once they left, I had to face the grief. When I was alone, grief came like a wave. I suddenly remembered my mom's words. She was the woman who taught me English.

Becoming an empty nester helped me own my feelings and rebuild my identity after losing my parents.

I've learned to enjoy the freedom of being me

To further work through my emotions, I decided to allow new experiences in my life. I traveled and connected with new and old friends. I started to write again. I focused on daily self-care — like evening walks, meditation, journaling, and working on my mindset.

I was removing the layers of my soul and digging deep to discover who I was and what I was hiding from everyone. I was returning to the original me. For the first time, I was deciding what was best for me — not just my children.

I learned that as you let go of your children, your happiness is up to you, and you can create anything. That is a part of grieving and healing.

I have gained the freedom to fly and explore new possibilities. I am still discovering what makes me happy, and I refuse to rush the process.