• My 22-year-old daughter moved home after graduating college to save money for a year.
• She's used to having a roommate, but I haven't had anyone else in my house for four years.
• We maintain harmony through shared expenses, chores, and open communication.

My daughter's college graduation hit me profoundly.

I was proud of her, of course, but this graduation, unlike the previous ones (kindergarten, middle school and high school), signaled a change: she's all grown up.

Even though she's moving back home, she's now a 22 year old adult who's been living on her own for the past four years. She's used to roommates — I'm not. This is how we're navigating our new living arrangements.

There's a line between independence and courtesy

My daughter is industrious, working several part-time jobs. She's also building a life, making and maintaining friendships, attending concerts, and indulging in pub crawls. While I don't tell her what to do, I expect the courtesy of communication about her plans so I don't wake up at 2 a.m. wondering where she is.

We follow each other's location on our phones for safety, but I don't abuse this privilege. Knowing she's safely in her bed or at a friend's house helps me rest easy.

We share expenses

Her plan is to work for a year to save money for her master's degree, an endeavor I support. Therefore, I'm keeping her on my phone and insurance accounts so she can save the money she earns. But when she runs to the grocery store for a snack, has a night out, or wants a haircut, that's on her dime.

I'm fortunate to have a job that pays our bills. While I can, I'm happy to give her a leg up.

She has chores

One reason I haven't downsized our family home is I knew she'd be returning. She helps maintain our house by doing chores, and not just unloading the dishwasher, her specialty since middle school. She's become a skilled power washer, deck hole-filler, and painter, and this summer she's rehabbing other wooden features in our yard. I'd have to pay someone else for the light repairs, mulching and staining jobs she's capable of doing, so she earns credit doing them herself.

She's housesitting this summer while I'm traveling, and I left her a hefty list. It had better be done when I get home.

We keep a shared calendar

Our schedules are busy and, since handing over some of the household maintenance, it's important that we both know who's doing what and when.

We have a shared calendar for our work schedules and choreography of daily chores such as cat litter, dishes, laundry and dinner. This allows us to keep track of the schedule and prevents me from nagging, which preserves our relationship.

Communication is key

My daughter and I have always been close and we're good at expressing ourselves, but it's more important now than ever. We each have pet peeves: I hate an unloaded dryer and a stolen hairbrush, she (understandably) hates it when I go to bed and leave a candle burning. It's important to talk about these things as they arise so they don't fester. We've learned to mention them kindly and without frustration, as we share mutual respect for one another.

We treat each other with thoughtfulness

Like any roommates, we consider each others' co-living needs. I rise early for work and want quiet after 9 p.m. so, if she has a friend visiting, they stay downstairs. She loves it when I bring her coffee in bed, and I wait for her to text me the coffee emoji each morning.

I haven't had a roommate in years, but following these guidelines works well and allows us to enjoy each other in a new way — as equals.

• For Love & Money is a column from Business Insider answering your relationship and money questions.
• This week, a reader's husband feels he's "doing it all" and wants her to get a remote job so she can take on more responsibilities.
• Our columnist suggests they work together to find ways to better balance responsibilities, without ending anyone's career.
• Have a question for our columnist? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.

Dear For Love & Money,

My husband and I are in our mid-40s with two young children. My husband is a veteran and is currently self-employed as a carpenter. He receives a monthly disability benefit, which has allowed him to have a more flexible career, working intermittently for a few months or a year to build up a "safety net" and taking time off to travel and focus on hobbies. I have a stable federal career as a social worker with the Department of Veterans Affairs, which includes excellent benefits, a pension, and family health insurance. We both make good incomes and have money set aside. We keep our finances separate and split our bills 50/50. This has worked until recently.

Up until about four months ago, I worked remotely, which gave me the flexibility to walk the kids to and from childcare. Then I received the federal return-to-office order, and I lost that flexibility. My husband took over mornings and after school with the kids, leaving him about five to six hours to work when he has a paying carpentry job. Even though it seems like a small adjustment, it's becoming a big issue — I miss my flexibility and ability to have that extra time with the kids, and my husband wants a few more hours each day to work on carpentry projects without worrying about the kids' schedules. He has also expressed feeling like a stay-at-home dad who's "doing it all," and feeling like I take this setup for granted.

We recently got into a heated discussion, and he asked me to consider leaving my stable career and benefits to find another job that's either remote or part-time to take back the stay-at-home parent role, so he can focus on building his business. I've no intention of leaving my job — the pay is great, I enjoy what I do, and there's opportunity for growth. I also don't feel comfortable losing that stability for myself and for our kids. I've suggested adjusting the 50/50 split to decrease the pressure on his carpentry business, but he hasn't shown interest in that, and truthfully, I know my income alone won't cover our monthly expenses.

How do we maintain enough flexibility for one parent to be able to walk the kids to and from school without having to pay someone else to do it and, more importantly, not sacrifice career stability or opportunities?

Sincerely,

Standing for Stability

Dear Standing,

The term "stay-at-home-parent" refers to someone whose exclusive job is staying home and providing childcare for their children. To be clear, your husband is not a stay-at-home dad any more than you were the stay-at-home parent when you were working remotely or if you were to get a new remote job. I don't say this to be pedantic; I clarify this point because, as convenient as it may feel for one parent to work from home and be on hand for their child's needs, these are two separate, time-consuming jobs.

You mentioned that your husband feels he is "doing it all", which makes sense if he is the one at the house all day, surrounded by the responsibilities of your lives. He may be struggling to balance everything more than you did when you were working from home due to being self-employed and not reporting to a boss or having hard deadlines; I myself know how easy it is for my other responsibilities to creep up my to-do list when there's no external source forcing me to prioritize my paid work.

At the same time, he has to recognize that what you're asking of him isn't impossible; in fact, when you were working from home, you were taking on these responsibilities that he feels overwhelmed by. It's possible he took for granted that you were "doing it all" without even realizing it, and the answer to your problems isn't simply making things go back to the way they were.

Quitting your job in the hopes that you can find something remote seems like a vast overreaction to inconvenient pick-up and drop-off times. Your solution will be found in the details of your daily routine, which will be hard to negotiate if you've both mentally reduced your schedules to: "You have time. You're home all day," and "I don't. I'm in the office or doing carpentry all day."

Instead, address your husband's logistical obstacles directly. Ask him what specifically isn't working for him. Maybe he'll tell you he feels like every time he gets into the flow, it's time to pick the kids up from school, or every time he drops them off, his day gets derailed by tasks. Working from home can be challenging because personal and professional boundaries often become blurred; you walk past the kitchen and notice the trash needs to be taken out, and then the dishwasher's clean light pops on, and suddenly, two hours have passed, and you haven't even started working on the projects you've planned for the day.

If he feels that drop-off regularly triggers a series of rolling tasks, create a standing chore schedule. If your husband knows you will get the dishwasher after dinner, he won't need to worry about taking care of it during the day.

Support your husband in creating boundaries around a workflow that feels productive and doable for him. Perhaps there are strategies you learned when you were working from home that he could incorporate into his daily workflow. Another way to help balance the workflow might also be to ask your boss about any potential flexibility; if you can change your hours from 9 to 6, for instance, you may be able to add dropping your kids off back into the mix.

As a work-from-home, self-employed person, I know that when someone says they feel like they're doing it all, what they're really saying is "Does anyone appreciate how hard I'm working? Will they help?" You talked about adjusting how you divide your bills, but adjusting how you distribute the labor in your home and making sure everyone feels they have the tools they need to succeed could be a more effective way of meeting everyone's needs without ruining anyone's career.

Rooting for you,

For Love & Money

Looking for advice on how your savings, debt, or another financial challenge is affecting your relationships? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.

• Sofía Vergara, 52, knows what she wants in a partner.
• The "Griselda" star says dating someone with less money than her would be "a nightmare."
• Income disparity can impact romantic relationships, especially around power dynamics.

Sofía Vergara has a list of what she wants in a partner.

During an appearance on the May 14 episode of the "Today" show, the "Modern Family" actor reflected on her dating life and got candid about some of the traits she hopes her future partner will have.

"I want to say the basic stuff, like health and somebody that loves me," Vergara told hosts Jenna Bush Hager and Erin Andrews. "And somebody tall, handsome."

"I want somebody that has as much money as me or more, because if not, it's a nightmare. They end up resenting you. And I want somebody fun. I need fun in my life," Vergara added.

Vergara has been married twice. In July 2023, after seven years of marriage, Vergara and the actor Joe Manganiello announced they were divorcing. She was previously married to Joe Gonzalez.

A representative for Vergara did not respond to a request for comment sent by Business Insider.

How wealth can affect romantic relationships

Two therapists and one wealth psychologist told BI they've heard similar sentiments echoed by many of their affluent clients.

Income disparity can impact romantic relationships, particularly around power dynamics.

Lami Ronit, a wealth psychologist who runs her own practice from both California and London, told BI she has noticed a difference in how men and women handle being the higher earners in a relationship.

"Women who are the higher earners often face a double standard; they're expected to succeed, but not so much that it threatens traditional gender roles. Men, on the other hand, are typically socialized to feel more comfortable being the financial provider," Ronit said.

When those roles are reversed, both partners can struggle, since the woman may feel she has to downplay her success while the man may wrestle with pride or feelings of inadequacy, she said.

The challenge persists even in some progressive circles where gender norms have been disrupted, Matt Lundquist, the founder and clinical director of Tribeca Therapy, a New York-based psychotherapy center, told BI.

"While it might seem that wealth invites ease — and in many ways it can and should — it also becomes a space where individuals' histories with money and gender expectations play out," he said.

For instance, it could be an issue when one person sees their contributions to the relationship as being more valuable than the other because of the amount of money they possess or earn, Dana McNeil, a relationship therapist and the founder of The Relationship Place, a San Diego-based practice, told BI.

"Many wealthy partners may perceive they are entitled to exert more control and say in the relationship about how money is spent," she said.

This can sometimes cause the less wealthy partner or the one more financially dependent to resent having to rely on their partner's permission to make purchases.

"This feeling of dependence can create a parent/child dynamic that feels like a loss of freedom and autonomy," McNeil said.

How couples can navigate financial disparity

While there is no one-size-fits-all approach, fairness and clarity are key, Ronit said.

"When appropriate, I often recommend that couples talk about proportional contributions rather than equal ones. For example, each person could contribute a percentage of their income toward shared expenses," she said.

The goal is to avoid feelings of imbalance or resentment, Ronit added.

When it comes to splitting bills, McNeil says she often suggests her clients have three checking accounts: a personal one for each partner and a joint account for bills and common expenses like going out to dinner or buying groceries.

To make expectations clear, it's important for couples to talk about money "sooner rather than later," Lundquist said.

"At some point, all couples need to confront the reality that a significant part of the partnership is economic and address both the material and symbolic aspects of this," he said.

It's also important for each partner to determine what they want and understand the trade-offs that may accompany that.

"And on this count, I'll give Sofía Vergara great credit — she clearly knows what she wants," Lundquist added.

• We almost always get our weekly groceries at Aldi, and we've learned some money-saving tips.
• The budget grocer already has pretty good prices, but the weekly deals are often worth following.
• I try to stick to the store's perimeter and avoid looking through the Aldi Finds aisle.

My partner and I buy groceries on a budget, and we're dedicated to Aldi.

The grocery chain already offers great prices, but we've begun doing a few things there to stretch our dollars even further.

Here are a few extra things we do to save money shopping for groceries at Aldi.

We read the weekly circular before we shop.

One of the first things we do when we walk into Aldi is grab the weekly circular, which is usually stationed on a rack right by the main entrance.

The ads showcase Aldi's current deals, so it's a great guide for anyone looking to save. Oftentimes, we deliberately plan our meals around which items are on sale.

When we focus on discounted items, we also get less sidetracked by flashy deals on products we didn't intend to buy.

We avoid Aldi's premade meals and heat-and-eat dinners.

We try to avoid premade meals, heat-and-eat dinners, and specialty deli items like dips and cheeses.

Although convenient, they tend to be significantly more expensive per serving than cooking something from scratch. Instead, we stick to buying staple ingredients, like fresh produce, canned beans, tortillas, and chicken.

By focusing on these core items, we've created a weekly meal plan that's cost-effective and healthy for our lifestyle.

Although the Aldi Finds are tempting, we also try to avoid them.

The Aldi Finds aisle features unique items, seasonal treats, and specialty goods that aren't part of the store's regular inventory.

The signage might make shoppers feel like they're getting some sort of deal, but this aisle can be a trap for impulse buys.

Sometimes, we find hidden gems here, but Aldi Finds are usually not essential to our weekly shopping list. Looking through them can just lead to us spending more money.

We usually skip this aisle entirely so we're not tempted.

An empty produce box helps us carry our groceries for free.

Aldi has a bring-your-own-bag policy, so bags are not free at the register. Instead of buying them, we usually grab a large, empty produce box from the shelves.

Most Aldi stores have a section where you can find these boxes in a bin with recyclables, so it's pretty easy.

You can also just bring your own reusable bags, but we've found that the box is an even better solution for us.

It's much easier to pop one box in the trunk of our car and carry it into the house in a single trip. Once we're home, we reuse the box for storage or recycle it.

We stick to the perimeter of the store.

Shopping around the store's perimeter helps us stick to our budget.

In most Aldi locations, more basic essentials, like produce, dairy, and meats, are located around the outer edges of the store.

In contrast, the center aisles usually have Aldi Finds, holiday items, household goods, snacks, and other products that are more likely to encourage impulse purchases.

When we shop, we literally snake our way around the perimeter, only detouring into the aisles when we need something on our list. It keeps our shopping trip efficient and minimizes our exposure to nonessential items.

This story was originally published on December 12, 2024, and most recently updated on April 28, 2025.